Break Up With Him

I stayed in a relationship that wasn’t meant to be far too long. Deep down I think I somehow knew it wasn’t going to end well — or rather, if we did end up together that we would have a long, rough road ahead of us.

After the smoke cleared I realized that although any relationship will have trials, every single decision doesn’t have to be difficult. Now I am with someone who thinks I’m worth making sacrifices for, and someone who is really excited about having a future with me. I have learned that there are people in this world who are beautifully selfless and know how to love someone with a chronic illness. There are people who are as fiercely loyal as I am, and who won’t give up on a relationship just because things get tough.

Here are a few behaviors that are major red flags in a relationship:

  1. Your significant other puts you down for things you can’t control. In my case this was my illness and the fact that I couldn’t physically work. I was a recent college graduate when I first got sick and had dreams of being an entertainment journalist. I had always been incredibly hard-working, but although I wanted more than anything to work, I physically could not have a normal job with my new chronic health condition. I was constantly told about how it “wasn’t my fault,” but that POTS was the thing keeping us in a rut. If I hadn’t gotten sick, we would be in a much happier place because there wouldn’t have to work through such a new, heavy road block.
  2. Your concerns are always your problem. When someone treats you like you’re crazy because of seemingly normal concerns, it is called “gaslighting.” It’s funny how I never knew what this term was until a few months ago, but if your significant other acts like you wanting some of his time every week is your problem and that you are being needy, this is not normal. Your puppet master will surely turn any conflict in the relationship back on your own insecurities until you really begin questioning whether what you are asking for really is too much (Take note: if what you want seems like a very basic need in a relationship, such as quality time together, it absolutely normal. You are not crazy, and you should get out as fast as you can so that you can find someone who understands the basic fundamentals of a healthy relationship).

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  3. Your well-being is completely your own responsibility. This is a tricky one. Although I do believe people need to be happy by themselves before they can add someone else into the picture, I also believe a significant other should want to take care of you, as you would do the same for them. I’ve always been very independent and balanced my boyfriend/friend time well, but my one of my exes thought that his actions shouldn’t affect the way I felt. He didn’t understand why drunk texting me then disappearing for the night made me upset, and said that the anxiety I felt was entirely on me.
  4. He is not a man of his word. No, it is not okay to leave you hanging for hours on end, and it is not okay to constantly break plans you have together. Yes, things sometimes come up in life that you cannot control, but if you feel like you cannot get excited about future plans with someone because they are unreliable, it’s time to find a person who will remember what they tell you and follow through in their actions.
  5. You no longer recognize yourself when you’re with him. My ex made me anxious, pessimistic, depressed, and short-tempered. None of these are typical “Krista qualities,” and I didn’t like the person I was when we were together. The first 75% of our relationship I was myself. When he decided to change the course of his life drastically,though, and leave our relationship in the background of his life, I became a complete mess. I hadn’t realized how dependent on him I had become and quickly fell apart.

Today’s lesson: Now I am with someone who is kind, patient, and wants to take care of my heart. My boyfriend wants to spend time with me, take me out, give me little gifts “just because,” and remind me that I’m special. If you let go of what is hurting you in life, you make room for new things that are better. It’s really, really scary to let go of something that is familiar and comfortable, but if you are brave enough to, you might just learn how strong you really are.

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13 thoughts on “Break Up With Him

  1. I got out of a relationship that went on for too long about a year ago and I find this list very relatable. Especially the last one, I really didn’t like the person I was when I was with him. I am a lot happier now, and a much better girlfriend!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, that’s definitely a huge red flag. I’m sorry to hear you went through that, but I’m so glad you came out stronger and have a healthier relationship now! Thanks for sharing your story with me. 🙂

      Like

  2. Sorry you had to deal with those things in your previous relationship. It’s so easy to stay in something even when it’s not healthy because of comfort. I’m so happy to hear that Robert seems to be the complete opposite of your ex.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel you. I also fell in love last year for the first time, but it also did break my heart. Our relationship only lasted for a very short time — 4 months to be exact — and it made me realize the phrase that the first cut is the deepest. I can’t understand before why it has to happen — why do we have to fall in love with the wrong person? Now it is clear to me that we have to in order for us to be wiser in love next time. To be stronger. To be a better version of ourself. But most importantly, to learn what true love really means. In my case, my previous relationship was not even close to being the true love that people say. We tried, but it’s just that we’re not really the one for each other.

    You, however, is blessed to have someone in your life right now that made you think differently about love. May you two stay forever, stronger, happier, healthier, more faithful, more hopeful, more in love each day.

    I’m praying for you.

    Inelle

    Liked by 1 person

    1. YES, you said this all so well! And I agree 100% that the first time is so hard. You don’t really know your heart can heal, but when it does it’s the best feeling. I’m sorry to hear you had to deal with your first broken heart, but you will surely find the right person since you’re willing to let the wrong ones go! ❤

      Thank you so much for your kind words and wishes. I hope the very same for you! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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