Singleness Is Not The Same As Loneliness

I went through the first breakup of my entire life just over a year ago.

In all honesty I was absolutely terrified about re-entering the world without my significant other by my side. Many of my single friends seemed to hate being “alone” and I watched girl after girl get dumped, and either get back together with her ex or find a new guy within the matter of weeks.

Being single must really suck, I thought to myself. After all, some people I knew went to great lengths to be in some sort of a relationship, even when it wasn’t the right one. Others complained about how hard it was to find a great guy, and wondered aloud whether they would always be single.

I never had a problem being by myself before — I was actually super-single until I was nineteen. I was a late bloomer and honestly didn’t care about my relationship status (Or lack thereof); my first boyfriend just kind of fell into my lap, and then stuck around for another 5 years.

The scariest thing about a breakup, to me, was that I didn’t have any female role models in my life who I felt managed their breakups well. I’m sure I have plenty of friends who did, they just didn’t talk about how terrible a breakup felt while they were going through it, and I didn’t really realize at the time how hard it is to leave someone you are so comfortable with.

If I could get one message across to the girls (And guys!) who read this blog, it’s that being single does not mean you are lonely.

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After months of fighting the inevitable, I finally took the leap of faith alone. The uncertainty of the situation was terrifying, but I knew I had an army of friends and family who would help me through my first breakup. Just because I didn’t have one particular person to look up to about being single didn’t mean happy single people didn’t exist. This was when I decided to be my own role model and choose the way I wanted to look at being single.

Part of our breakup wasn’t a choice; my boyfriend and I were going to break up, whether I liked it or not. The loss of someone who had been such a rock in my life was devastating, but I was strong enough to get back up on my feet and keep going through life. My friends were amazing and 100% there for me, whether it was during work hours or at 3 in the morning. I really do think breakups are one of life’s biggest pains that almost everyone can be empathetic toward. There is something about that terrifying time in your life that most people can relate to, so they gather around to help in any possible way they can.

Once I was out of the relationship I felt free. I realized being single meant I could find the right person for me one day and that in the meantime I could have fun with my girl friends and my family. I was no longer wasting time my time with someone who wouldn’t be there for me in the long run, and was able to build on other relationships — one of those being my relationship with myself.

I have so much more to write about singleness and breakups, but this is a good start. I just want to be very clear in saying that being single is not a terrible, lonely thing — it is a great learning experience and an amazing time to grow if you allow it to be. Just because you have a friend or two who don’t like being single, does not mean your fate is sealed. Be your own role model, and your own best friend. After all, you know what you need better than anyone else!

Today’s lesson: Instead of running into a new relationship you can develop your own interests, meet new people, and strengthen friendships with people who will be around for the long haul. No matter what happens in life, you will always have yourself, so you might as well become the best version of you to live with!

14 thoughts on “Singleness Is Not The Same As Loneliness

  1. Experienced a very similar situation. I broke it off with a guy after being with him for four years. It was a year in August. I have a friend who did the same thing. We are both around 30′ there seems a bit more pressure at this age. Many friends marrying or finding their “one.” But I think we both agreed it felt so good to be on our own. We didn’t realize what the relationships were taking from us. And we look back, why did we spend so long with this our ex’s? We look at our ex’s pics a year or more later and feel like “what did I see in him.”

    Despite the pressure, we’re okay. I’m okay and she’s doing awesome. Even if we’re in our forties when we find the right guy for us, we agreed it’s better than staying with the wrong guy at 29 or 30 or –24 or 25 etc. .

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This is such an important lesson and I wish more single girls would realize this. It’s great to spend some time being alone and really getting to know yourself. That will help in the long run when you do start looking for a relationship again. It will give you better understanding of what you want in partner.

    And also, I always say this, NOTHING is more lonely than being in a relationship with the wrong person.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Totally agree. My relationship ended at the start of this year, and although it was a massive shock & this year has, quite frankly, sucked in a lot of ways, it has also been a great year. I am living a much more interesting and consciously happy life than before!
    I have a few friends who have also come out of long-term relationships and are in much worse emotional positions than me, but are already wanting to move into another relationship & it worries me, because I think they might end up settling for douchebags….
    Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I agree with everything that you said, and I’m glad you’re not one of those people (especially females I think) that try to find someone just to avoid being lonely or being judged by society for being single.
    Your sense of self-worth can never come from a relationship, it really needs to come from within and I’ve learned this the hard way.
    I also had just 1 serious relationship and a break up so I hear you.. Just try not to get stuck on the singleness roller coaster like me (3 years and counting :D)!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, being single is SO much better than being in the wrong relationship. When my ex and I broke up I felt a huge sense of relief and was so much more at ease being single than I had been in our relationship!

      There’s definitely nothing wrong with taking a few years to be single… One day I’m sure you’ll be married and will look back on this time fondly! 😄

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t want to seem desperate – but God , I wish your words come true! 😀 Haha! I’ve been really enjoying the single life and everything that goes with it, and learned a lot about myself, and come to love myself.. 🙂 Which I hope you did too! But I would really love to meet someone now. 🙂
        However, single life is great and necessary!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I understand that too… it’s really hard when you feel so ready for a relationship, but there isn’t the right person in your life. It’s super annoying when people say that great relationships often happen when you least expect them to, but it’s also true! Hang in there. And in the meantime feel free to message me about any crazy dates you go on; I love hearing dating stories!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Another independent single lady out there! I am starting a blog on my journey as a single lady. Struggling through independence while everyone is either getting married or having babies! Life is just as fun for us, and I think a little more humorous. 😂 My blog link is: meganelizabeth124.wordpress.com. Called: Another Beautiful Day in Chaos

    Liked by 1 person

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