It’s Just A Date.

I talk to a lot of people who really want a boyfriend but don’t think going on a bunch of dates sounds very appealing. This is a tough predicament, as I think the most surefire way to get a bomb bae is going out with a handful of people and then making an educated decision on who you should commit to.

Dating is essentially a numbers game. The more people you go out with the more crappy dates you go on, but the more likely you are to meet someone who is a really great fit for you. Think about it this way. If you go out with 4 people and try to pick one, you could find that person, but the chance becomes better when you up the number of people you go out with.

I’ve asked friends why they don’t want to spread out and date more people, and here are some of the most common answers I’ve gotten (And my reasons why I think they can ignore them):

“I don’t want to lead anyone on.”
Okay, I agree with this 100%; leading people on isn’t nice and doesn’t feel good when you’re on the receiving end… But honestly the first few dates you go on with someone is just a very surface-level “getting to know you” stage, so you can’t possibly lead someone on by agreeing to a first date with them, as there aren’t huge expectations from a first date. There aren’t many people who go on a first date and are immediately like, oh my gosh, she’s the one for me! If he does do that there’s likely something a little bit “off” and he should probably re-evaluate the way he’s approaching dating. A first date is really just very similar to going into a job interview — you ask and answer questions to see if you would even be a good fit for one another.

“First dates are so awkward.”
This can also be very true. The more dates I go on, though, the more I get comfortable with sitting through the awkwardness. “Practice makes perfect” rings very true for dating. If nothing else you are just collecting data about people and learning what you do and don’t want in a future relationship. There are so many different people in the world that you should know what’s out there before committing to something for the long-term and wondering then.

“It’s not fair to date a bunch of guys at once. I like to focus on one person.”
Umm, I don’t think a lot of guys look at dating this way. Dating around is a completely normal and healthy thing. This gets skeezy when you are exclusive with someone and seeing other people, but before you are in a committed relationship you are able to test the waters with a few people at the same time. Keeping communication open and honest with all parties is important, but odds are if you are going out with multiple guys at once they are doing the exact same thing with other girls. That’s not because they’re a “bad person,” but they, like you, are trying to find the best fit for them. This is great for both of you, as you want someone who will fully understand and appreciate the incredible person you are — sometimes it takes going out with the wrong people to appreciate the right one.

“The right person will come into my life when the time is right. I’m just waiting on God (or fate) to bring him my way!”
So. Much. No. I agree that God has a great plan for me, which totally includes a wonderful significant other, but just like my dream job a guy is not going to plop right into my lap out of nowhere. I have to put in work to get results and just because I am working towards a goal does not mean I am not trusting God to put the right people in my path to get there. I understand some people meet their significant other as a complete fluke and I think that’s totally amazing, but the vast majority of people have to put in some sort of effort to meet someone. Not only is it rare for a guy to ask me out organically, but it all goes back to the numbers game of dating more people to get to meet the right one. I do believe God has a plan for my life, but some of His plans for me have been things I have received as a result of an action I took to get there. He is so much more powerful than I am, and if I’m going in the wrong direction I trust Him enough to steer me back on the right track in a different way.

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All of this being said, the best way for me to date may not be right for you. What do y’all think? Do you agree or disagree with me? Sound off in the comments!

13 thoughts on “It’s Just A Date.

  1. tarnishedsoul says:

    The bottom line is arranged marriages ended a long time ago – essentially. You can’t plan for a good long lasting relationship without knowing where you succeed and fail in them. Granted, some people are more social and do well in getting to know a lot of people, but others do not. But you can’t, and I stress it again, you can’t find the perfect boyfriend without dating a few guys.

    Ugh…now I’m thinking as my situation changes, maybe I should try dating a few, myself…

    Liked by 2 people

    • singleinthesuburbs01 says:

      Very true; I am definitely an extrovert and it takes a LOT for me to get sick of being around people… I have a lot of friends who need their alone time, though, and I totally understand why they’d hate the way I’ve dated! You can definitely take your time with it, though. A new date every few weeks could be a good goal without becoming exhausted!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. followyourarrow2315 says:

    Sometimes I think if you’re just sitting around waiting, you’ll be waiting forever. The right guy probably got lost and stuck in a tree or something, but how are you going to know that haha. I also agree, first dates are awkward. Again, how will you find a not awkward one if you don’t actually do it, right?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Single&fabulous says:

    Agree 100%! Meeting someone who is right for you does not just happen out of nowhere. I’ve been single now for about 2 years and in that time I have not met anyone who I thought could be a potential serious partner. It also has to do with your own attitude, whether you are ready for it (and in my case I wasn’t, but it still proves that they just do not come walking in your life like that). You definitely need to get out there and go on dates. I also agree that you need to date multiple people before you find the one to settle with. People who are still with their first boy or girlfriend (like after the age of 20/25…) kind of freak me out…

    Like

    • singleinthesuburbs01 says:

      Yeah and it’s SO much better being single than being with the wrong person! Before my ex and I broke up I was terrified of what would happen when I was single again, because a lot of my friends said they hated being single… Now I realize it’s just all about your mindset. There are a lot of great things about being single too and I have learned so much from dating around about what I do and don’t want in a future partner. Well said, thanks for the comment! 🙂

      Like

  4. Am I Thirty? says:

    I agree with everything in this post, including the complaints. Dating is the absolute worst. It really is. I hate first dates and the majority of them really suck. However, you really have no choice but to suck it up and do it. Eventually a person will come along to make all those crappy dates worth it.

    Like

    • singleinthesuburbs01 says:

      Hahaha yeah, you have to if you ever wanna meet anyone! I think they kinda go in phases; sometimes dating is fun, other times it’s exhausting. I figure until I find the one I’m supposed to be with I’m just collecting good stories to tell (and I’m sure he’ll enjoy hearing them one day too!).

      Like

  5. Single&fabulous says:

    Now that I have been single for some time- the beginning was hard but I enjoy the benefits so much now – I am actually more nervous about the thought of having a relationship again than about being single. Being single is easy, all you have to deal with is yourself in the end (it’s just comments from others that are often soooo tiring). Maintaining a healthy relationship is hard work. Totally worth it of course, but indeed that’s why you’re much better off on your own than being with the wrong person 🙂

    Like

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