… And sometimes it can be deaf too.
As I’ve mentioned in many posts before this, I was in a very serious relationship with someone for almost five years. In my mind he was the one for me. I think he believed the same about me, but I won’t speak on his behalf.
Our plan after graduation was for us to somehow end up in the same city together. At this point we had dated for about three years and were on the road to engagement. Life doesn’t always go the way you think it will, though. He decided on his own to move 2,000 miles away. I was reluctant to move to him at first — after all, we met going to school in the DC area and for a few years we both dreamed of settling down here. It got to the point where the only way we were going to be together would be if I moved to him.
At first I resisted. I had no desire to be in the midwest; I loved the east coast and would have been happy going to New York City or even Nashville. I have a lot of ties in the DMV and wanted to be able to visit home easily. My chronic illness made it hard for me to travel, and I was scared of being somewhere I didn’t have a big support system. When I realized I was fighting a losing battle I finally started preparing myself to move there. I loved him more than I loved anything else in the world.
When he finally told me I wasn’t his top priority anymore I cried. It was the first time he broke my heart.
I didn’t listen to him, though. I should have broken up with him then — or in the many months before when his actions showed that I was no longer a priority, but I was blinded by my love for him. Instead of breaking up, I desperately tried to change his mind. He couldn’t possibly mean that he cared more about finishing school and making a big chunk of change than living life together, could he? I didn’t even know how it was possible for someone to care more about a thing than a person. He meant it, though. And I held on another 8 months.
Actually, I had our relationship in a death grip. He showed me time and time again his priorities weren’t with me, but happily continued to keep a girl who was okay with this wrapped around his finger. None of this was his fault — it was my own. I didn’t listen closely enough to the words he said to me or pay attention to his actions and what he put his time into to make a smart decision.
I was blinded and deafened by the love I had for him. A better word than love might be anxiety, though. I did love him once — I was in love with him once, which I think is a step past love. Circumstances change, though, and so do people. I learned an amazing lesson in that relationship, and won’t lose any of my senses moving forward.
Today’s lesson: Make sure you do pay attention to what your significant other does and says to you, as that is where his heart is. If you aren’t happy with his priorities, find someone who holds the same values as you.