Krista The Cougar

I just had something very confusing happen to me.

Since I’ve been single a lot of people have been trying to set me up with their friends (And sons, and nephews, and brothers, etc. — I guess I am not the only one who likes matchmaking).

Anyway, I was a bit surprised when a particular friend said she had the perfect person to set me up with, but I’m always game for meeting a perfect guy. Or really, a perfect human for that matter, as I would have a million questions about life for them. I’m sure a perfect person would give incredible advice.

Theo James
Theo James is the only man I can imagine being perfect. British, unbelievably handsome, and he sings and plays the guitar.

She set everything up, and we met at a local coffee shop.

Soon after meeting we both realized we didn’t have a lot in common. Why? Because he was twenty! This was a borderline illegal setup.

I’m only 24, and many of the guys I have been talking to have been 28. It’s still just four years, but anyone out of college knows what a difference the age gap this gentleman and I shared looks like versus the age gap of two people in the postgraduate world. He is smack in the middle of his undergraduate experience and cannot yet experience alcohol legally, and I am quickly getting over going to dive bars. He is excited to turn 21 next month, and I think getting carded is just a nuisance (I know I look like I’m 18, but I promise I am legal!).

Luckily he and I both realized the hilarity of the setup, and we ended up talking about my experience at George Mason and how he could manage to have a great study abroad experience like I did. We are friends now, and although I will not be helping him get his hands on alcohol, we might pull a few pranks on his roommates together.

Today’s lesson: Most people are terrible at setting others up; it’s not just me.

Taking A Turn In The Hot Seat

Here is the full review my date wrote about me. I did not edit any of the content, and just added a couple of asterisks to offer a few clarifying comments. Enjoy!

Phase 1: Planning

When setting up a date with Krista, a couple things need to be taken into account.For starters, all of us that have read her blog know that she cannot parallel park (See: “Wrecking my Date”). This would be an issue if she were to come to my neck of the woods in Arlington. So I had three options:

1. Make the drive out to Fairfax and meet her on her home turf (Not likely — the guy should always maintain the upper hand in these situations and keep his date her on her toes).
2. Find an appropriate/easy place for her to park in Arlington.
3. Ignore her concerns, have her parallel park, and poke fun or even take a video of her as she turns red from embarrassment while onlookers laugh at the parking job she is attempting.

Being a half decent guy, I went with option two* and gave her directions to a free parking garage right by the location of the restaurant. Option two was a success (Although I would be lying if I told you I did not seriously consider option 3).

The second thing to consider when planning a date with Krista is that she by all accounts seems to be a pretty good person. Because of this, I am again presented with a couple options. I could (A), show her a nice time, be a gentlemen, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah, or (B), acknowledge that she is looking for stories to write about on her blog, and give her the best worst date story I could possibly come up with. Unfortunately for Krista and her blog, I decided against trashing the date because she is a legitimately good person and I probably would have felt guilty going with option “B.” Although for the record, I was tempted going into this to give her that experience of a lifetime date that she would likely talk about for quite some time… “You’re never going to believe what this guy did on this horrible date I went on” type of stuff.

*Editors note for accuracy: This was not on our first date; we met up in Arlington a different time. I have a policy that the guy has to come to you for the first date. I do not chase after boys.

Phase 2: The Date

The date began smoothly. We talked about the usual first date stuff (i.e. what do you do, tell me about your family, college, etc.). We had spoken about some of this stuff prior to actually meeting up. One of our topics of conversation pre-date was the fact that we both went to George Mason University. We actually spoke quite a bit about this prior to our date. However… Krista got into talking about how she went to George Mason shortly after we sat down. I responded “Yes I remember discussing this.” She nodded her head and continued on about how she used to go to this diner place on campus. I said, “Yes, I know the place, because I used to go there.” She nodded her head and kept talking about certain things about Mason that I already knew about because, again, I went there too. After about 5 minutes of nodding my head and acknowledging a couple times that I knew what she was talking about, because I shared many of the same experiences, she stopped and asked, “Wait, did you go to Mason?!” I, for probably the 6th time, politely responded “Yes!” I wish I could have taken a picture to show you how red her face got.

A few minutes later we were telling each other funny stories about our pasts. I shared a few about pranks that my cousin and I pulled on some people growing up, and I had Krista laughing pretty hard. Then I asked her to share a funny story.

This was one of my favorite parts of the date.

Krista started going into detail about more memories from college (Uh oh, too much George Mason content. She’s starting to sound like the band camp girl from American Pie. This one time, at Mason…**). The problem with her funny story, however, is that Krista apparently likes to laugh when she tells funny stories. She was almost in tears. I’m not even going to get into a lot of detail about the content of the story, which included her and a friend putting some cupcakes (I could only assume chocolate cupcakes) in the toilets of the female bathrooms and then watching the reactions of everybody as they came out of the restroom. That was pretty much the entire story, but it took quite awhile to tell because Krista couldn’t stop laughing the entire time. Her laughing made the story ten times funnier, and it was pretty cute too.

Outside of these hilarious conversations, the date went without any issues. We covered many topics, joked with each other, and had solid conversation. After dinner we walked around outside and continued to talk. Finally the time came to walk her to her car. As we were walking into the dark, fairly empty garage, I recognized how uncomfortable this situation could be for a girl on a first date. To lighten the mood, I looked her in the eyes, remembered the “bun kiss” she experienced a few dates prior, and told her in the most serious tone I could, “Just so you know, I don’t kiss on a first date.”

Despite seeing the look of disappointment in her eyes after I told her that, I stood by my principles, gave her a hug, and watched her drive off.

I cannot write about her drive home, so you’ll have to ask her about that. All I know is that her phone (which is also her GPS) died at the start of her drive and she had to somehow deal with
that issue to navigate back to her house. ***

**I haven’t ever seen that movie, so I don’t get the reference, but figured y’all might still enjoy it.
***I will have to tell this story another day, as it was quite the adventure.

Phase 3: After Action Review

The final phase of the Krista experience is to make sure you complete a full, thorough report of all issues and concerns from the date and annotate them in a format you can clearly present to Krista. For me, that consisted of going back to my apartment and taking about an hour or so to write everything down from the date. A couple things were addressed in this post. Still others were not, but I can promise you that they were presented to Krista for her review. ****

Today’s Lesson: Do not shy away from Krista because of her potential to seriously harm your good name with her blog. Fire it right back at her. Let Krista know that if she acts up or steps out of line, she too will end up on her blog.

****For the record, this is a joke. I did not cut anything!

Turning The Tables: Review Of A Date With Krista

I told you guys I would be getting someone to review me as a date, and this ended up being perfect. A little background on this gentleman without giving away his identity: We met on OK Cupid and I showed him my blog long before we met up. After going out and hearing about some of the things I am planning to work on, he told me that he would like to write a review of our date. This was great because I was able to be myself without feeling like I’d be analyzed later and ended up getting an honest, accurate review.

I didn’t change anything that he wrote, with the exception of a few very small grammatical things. He wrote such a detailed review that this will have to be a small series of posts to make everything fit. So without further ado, here is what he wrote about me:

I have spent some time over the past few weeks reviewing Krista’s blog, “Single in the Suburbs,” and have decided that it is time to give Krista a little taste of her own medicine. She has been searching for somebody to write a post about what it is like to go on a date with her, and I am here to deliver. This is for all the men past, present, and future that have, or surely will, fall victim to her blog.

Note: Please keep in mind that this is not being written by a Journalism or English student, but by a much lesser individual with a different (minimal) skill set. If you have issues with any spelling, grammar, or content, please take it up with the editor.

A Krista date needs to be completed in three phases in order to properly account for the entire Krista experience. These phases include:

1. Planning. A Krista date must be planned accordingly to get the full Krista effect.
2. The Date. Make sure you have appropriate dialogue and do not say anything to
incriminate yourself (see: “Tinder, Take One!”). Krista likes at least some
of the attention, and believes it is awkward if you speak directly to insects. Noted.
3.  A proper after action review of the date is necessary. It is vital to tell Krista everything that she can improve upon. Do not hold anything back. I jotted down almost three pages of notes at the completion of the date.

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Every date must include some sort of large, messy dessert.

I would love to offer commentary about a few of the things he wrote about (Like, explaining that I’m not as weird as he makes me sound in some of the parts), but I’m going to refrain because this is all written from my date’s perspective and I need to respect that.

I will be posting part two tomorrow evening, so come back for the story then!

I Ain’t Afraid of No Ghost!

I was right!!!

I know those aren’t unusual words for a female to utter, but this was with a bet I had going with a bunch of other girls.

Remember how I talked about getting ghosted recently?

To recap, I sent my date a text after we hadn’t talked in about two weeks. He and I had a really nice date, and I was kind of confused as to why he wouldn’t want to go on a second one with me.

My only thought was that he did live kind of far away, so maybe that was deterring him from going on another date. But why wouldn’t he just text me and let me know if that was the case?

Some of my friends thought he might have found someone else. Others thought he got the vibe I wasn’t into hooking up, so lost interest. I have really great friends, so none of them suggested that he didn’t like me, which could have also easily been the case. I think that’s what most people who get ghosted feel is the issue, but I am on a mission to prove them wrong.

As I stated in my last post, I don’t think anything has to even go wrong on a date for someone to get ghosted. It could be something you can’t really control, like a lack of chemistry, or your date just has something else going on in his life.

Ready to see what he sent me? Remember, I had to text him first to get this mystery solved. Most people never know why they don’t ever hear from a date again, but I’m willing to bet this is a pretty common reason.

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I really appreciated his honesty. He was a really nice guy, and I’m sure he’ll find his Tinderella somewhere closer to him. I do understand why you wouldn’t want to get too invested in someone you just met who lives so far away, and I respected his answer.

Today’s lesson: Don’t take it personally if someone ghosts you.  It probably isn’t something you did, so just pick yourself up and try again. There are plenty of other fish in the sea!

On the other end of things, instead of ghosting someone, just explain nicely that things just aren’t going to work out. If the person is a normal, mature adult they will understand.

A New Beginning

I’ve learned something really important from my old relationship and for my new ones moving forward.

Once again, this kind of breaks my heart that I ever thought like this, but in my long-term relationship I thought it was “normal” for guys to not be as emotional or care as much about your relationship.

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While guys might not wear their heart on their sleeve as often, I have found that there are so many men who want to spend their free time with me, and want to talk on the phone and want to make me happy and treat me well. They enjoy planning dates that they know I’ll really love and appreciate, and genuinely enjoy hearing about how my day went.

One thing casually dating people has taught me is that there are so, so many guys out there. Just like girls, they are all very different from one another. If one of them you really like doesn’t text you back or take initiative, don’t fret. You can and will like someone else one day who’s heart will skip a beat when they see your name pop up on their phone. You’ll meet someone who isn’t afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve for you and who will make you feel loved and secure.

Please don’t settle for a less than stellar relationship just because you think it’s the norm.

Please know that there are so many different people in the world, and that someone will love you the way you want and deserve to be loved. It’s not normal to have to fight for your significant others’ attention. There are people who want to just give it to you freely.

That still blows my mind, but in the best way imaginable.

Today’s lesson: Don’t waste your time on people who don’t value spending time with you. You are special, you are important, and you deserve someone who makes you feel like that.

Ghosting Isn’t Very Friendly, Casper.

I have a theory about ghosting.

I don’t think something has to go horribly wrong for someone to get ghosted. I think it’s usually a small, insignificant reason that has nothing to do with the ghosted individual.

I’ve decided to test my theory and put myself out there to try to find out the reason so many twentysomethings just stop getting texts after one, or even several, dates.

Here is what I sent to the first guy who has ever truly ghosted me. Feel free to offer constructive criticism, as I am planning on sending this sort of text to other men who ghost me in the future. Each date is so different that I will probably get a wide range of answers (from anyone brave enough to reply), and will keep y’all posted on what I find out.

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Most of my friends don’t think he’s going to reply. I think he will. What are your thoughts?

Victoria’s Secret Ain’t A Secret No More

Well, this tops out at the most embarrassing moment of my life. Alongside falling down an entire flight of stairs in front of the football team in high school, but let’s be real, almost anything embarrasses a high school girl.

I went on a very casual coffee date last week, and was excited to wear jeans and a new flannel shirt I got. I felt pretty darn cute as I was leaving the house, but was running late, so didn’t get a chance to glance in the mirror before I finally left.

Now I have a habit of staying in comfy clothes when I’m lounging at home, and typically do my hair and makeup first, then just throw on whatever outfit I’m going to wear.

As I was saying, this particular day I had to rush, so I grabbed the earrings I wanted to wear to put on in the car, and hurried out the door.

I rushed through the rain into the coffee shop and took off my coat. My date looked a bit surprised to see me, and I immediately felt a little self-conscious, but brushed it off and thought he might just be kind of nervous. The uncomfortable feeling kept coming back, though, because he kept glancing down instead of looking at my face if you catch my drift. Which I thought was funny, because there isn’t much to offer when you are wearing a flannel shirt (Or so I thought…).

Guys, I forgot to button most of my shirt. I think I missed like, four buttons at the top. I was wearing a very pretty pink lacy bra, too, which just made the situation even more uncomfortable.

I’m normally pretty good with dealing with situations like that, so when I got back from the restroom I was just like, “Um. I had no idea my shirt was like that, just FYI. This is really awkward and embarrassing because I feel like I probably gave off a hilariously wrong first impression.” I giggled awkwardly, as he chuckled and I’m sure was thinking about what a goof I was.

He said something along the lines of, “I was a bit confused when you first walked in, but I didn’t want to be rude and offend you.”

Men of the Internet — If you go out with a girl and she looks like she is having a major wardrobe malfunction, please SAY SOMETHING! Or better yet, females of the Internet — if you see a girl in my position please tell her she looks ridiculous! Nobody would do something like that on purpose. Life isn’t a Victoria’s Secret catalog.

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Today’s lesson: always look in a full length mirror right before meeting up with a date.

What is your worst wardrobe malfunction? I think most of us have been here at some point, as I’ve heard stories from as little as needing to examine a zipper to horrifically tucking a skirt into underwear.

Just Another Day In Paradise

Those of you who know me likely know all about my experience with America’s Next Top Model. I’ll give a brief summary for my new followers who don’t know about it.

Basically, I tried out for ANTM several years back, and ended up making it pretty far. Far enough to make top 25, but not enough to make it on the actual show. Anyway, I got to go to New York and meet with some of the casting directors there and made a few friends along the way. This has opened some interesting doors for me to go to exclusive events I otherwise might not even know about. I will save some of those stories for another day, though.

I recently got an email from someone with ANTM which informed me that the stars from Bachelor in Paradise would be coming to the DC area on Friday and Saturday. They were fundraiser events for Lymphoma, so I decided I might as well go check it out one day.

The night ended up being super fun! I wore a crazy sparkly dress, which is always a huge plus in my book, and took my mom as my date — protip: moms always make amazing dates.

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My beautiful date. 🙂

This particular night ended up being a great adventure.

I was on a special VIP list, so when I arrived and checked in the coordinator took us to the front of the line to get a photo with the whole cast, then we were escorted to a little private booth near the red carpet. We watched other guests filter in and enjoyed drinks while waiting for the photo op to finish.

After they were done with taking photos with fans, I ended up getting to spend some one on one time with a few cast members during their break. Everyone was really nice, (A few were really drunk — I’m looking at you, JJ!) and I was able to snag some pictures with most of the people I met.

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Joshua was a major cutie. Here he is getting ready to offer me a rose.

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You can usually charm me by making me laugh.

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I was actually really pleasantly surprised to get a rose from him. Josh was a really sweet, genuine gentleman.
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Proof that I may be goofy, but I am also hilarious.
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Posing with my second “first impression rose.” This was definitely my favorite one!
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In case you missed my last post, JJ was the first to give me a rose.
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I would have loved one from Jared too, but I won’t be greedy!
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Joe acted the exact way you would have expected. Also, he was definitely standing on his tiptoes for this photo, hehe.
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Ashley I. was super sweet. I feel like she has a really good heart (And is incredibly beautiful!).
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Lauren and I really hit it off and talked about dating and fashion.

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The newly engaged Jade.
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Getting a photo with the whole crew… The guys were NOT happy that I was taller than them in heels.

Today’s Lesson: The Bachelor crew is pretty chill and does, in fact, know how to put on a good cocktail party.